50 amazing tweets from a father and his kids

Being a father is a tough business. Being a father of four is almost an impossible business. But if you turn your life into a series of funny anecdotes, you'll survive. That's what James Breakwell did. He tweets about his children and their funny comebacks and wittiness for us to laugh about them. And that's awesome. If you are a father, you'll feel represented. If you are not, you'll laugh at those who are. But no matter what, you can't deny that James' tweets (and his children) are funny as hell. Here are fifty times James Breakwell shared with us how is it like to be a father of four.


School

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We humans are used since the very beginning to go to places where we are supposed to do a lot of things and ending up doing nothing. No one can learn all the time. No one can work all the time.

I Helped

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Well, that was awkward but he managed to make a successful comeback. What happened next we don't know, but those are questions children never forget. They will ask again. And they won't be happy with the answer.

I Don't Fit

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Well, James, welcome to the club. I don't even fit in yesterday's shirt. But that's ok, at least I'm not a father of four children under six years old. That must be tougher.

She Married You

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Children are evil. They say the most horrible things to your face and don't even regret it, because they actually believe in those things.

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Well, duh! Would you rather hide from a tomato than a tornado? Just imagine an evil tomato running, trying to make justice of those family members you killed to have pizza. It gives me the chills just to think about it.

Good Point

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They are dirty, hairy, sometimes rude, poorly educated, a little dumb and brutish and they let them go to school instead of dogs. That's not fair.

Get Real

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Who has time for problems? Let's all skip to the happy ending. The problem is that we, as adults, know exactly what comes right after that happy ending.

Inflation

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In my case, I would never get out of my room because I still don't understand inflation and most of the economic terms that people tend to use.

Logic

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The same logic can be applied to a lot of things in the Harry Potter series, but indeed this one is the most shocking. There's no need in using glasses if you have magic to fix your eyes. And that goes to you too, Dumbledore.

Goals

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Who does not want to be a horse? A unicorn, it is like a horse, but 100% cute and filled with magic. And they get to run around, eat carrots, it is the life everybody wants

Bear Alert

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Sounds a lot like my house when I was a kid. If something happened: get mom. Because, lets be real about it. Daddies know nothing when it comes to solve a problem. Mom knows best

Breakfast

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Kids are weird and they have weird ways to show they love you. Maybe he is just telling you how fond of you he is...by hitting you with a maraca. Maybe one day you'll get a breakfast in bed

Talking Tummy 

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Wouldn't it be great to have a band called Talking Tummy? and maybe publish some records with different kinds of tummy sounds. Hey, we get worse music than that nowadays

Pictures

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When it comes to take a photograph of your son, it could become a problem. You have to make them laugh, make sure they are not crying, make sure they are standing still. Imagine what it was like when we didn't have cellphones

Bath 

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This is what I call good time management. She is caring about the world, about not wasting some water (it is good for the planet) and her dad's time. It's a win win situation.

Dinosaurs 

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It is a good day when you do not encounter a dinosaur around. Well, you could say we are walking all over them, everyday, but we do not get to see them

King and Queen 

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That is my girl. Nobody needs a king, she can be a queen by herself. Besides, it is a smart move. Think about those moments when you have to spend money.

Chicken Leg

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It amazes me how square kids can be. I mean, there are two types: the ones that are always daydreaming, and the one who can only see what is in front of them, and nothing else

Star Wars 

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It seems to me that she has everything figured out, she has everything necessary to go to war. What else could you possibly need? Food, a pet, your weapon of choice

Lazy 

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You cannot say she did not think that strategy well. I mean, what can you possibly say to her? She said she tried. What is the other option? Staying in bed, of course

Tantrum 

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This is why you shouldn't please your kid everytime she is having a tantrum, her whim will go in crescendo eventually. Today is a doll, tomorrow will be a knife. Who knows what else?

Numbers 

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The cuteness of being a baby girl. They know so little, everytime you come with new knowledge, they look amazed. I remember learning numbers, and I thought everything ended when you reach 1000

Family

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This girl is reading way too many fairytales. Can you imagine what great it would be if your siblings came from the woods? Isn't there like a horror movie or something like that with that plot?

New Year Wishes 

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I agree with her. How come you wish someone something you do not know what's gonna happen? Parents, you are teaching your kids not to lie, so stop wishing a happy new year

Pop 

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Well, he did not promise her a soda (sorry, pop) if she called it the right name. He was just correcting her. Besides, soda cans are full of dirt and sugar.

Money 

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Well, being a nice person is hard sometimes. There comes a moment in life where you simply want to do the easy thing and become a bad person. She is being smart.

Pokemon 

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Is not that the whole point of raising a kid? Think about it: they know nothing, you are supposed to train them, sometimes accidents happen. He is totally right. Good for him.

Chicken Bath

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This is a great idea, You can eat and take a bath at the same time. This should be a great thing to make, not only your kids. Just make sure the food is not that smelly

Clean 

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Well, she was not asking him to clean it, she was just pointing out the house was simply dirty. Maybe she was just happy about it, people are happy sometimes around dirty places, specially if you are not in charge of cleaning

Cow 

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It is all a matter of perspective. Maybe in another universe, or within her fantasy world, cows look like giraffes. Think about it. Both of them eat green stuff, and they have spots. Understandable

A Long Day 

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Do you remember when you were a kid? Time was endless. A day seemed like an entire week, and sometimes you had to go to school for the entire day. I feel you, sis

Two Of Each 

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This little girl is so smart. I mean, she already has two eyes, it does not matter if you happen to lose one of them. There is always another one from the set.

Smart Move 

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Look, she does not even want to be a bad girl, so she won't be willing to use the trick part. Just give her the treat, everything will be alright, you won't be getting in trouble

Free Falling 

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Aw, poor kid. She must be a Pisces (they are kind of clumsy, you know). Besides, 10 inches are a lot for a 5 year old. It feels like being on top of the world

Clever Girl 

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Can you imagine the great things you could've accomplished if this happened to occur to you when you were a kid? Less homework, more detention. Oh, wait. That is not good.

Traffic

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I do not think she is lying. I mean, it could be her sister annoying her or being on her way, it could be her mother trying to tell her something, it depends on your concept of "traffic"

Not So Good 

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I mean, thinik about it. If you were a pig, what would you eat? A salad, or something good? Something like a piece of meat. But not bacon, of course. They are not animals. Oh, wait.

Forever

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Think about all those moments when you were a kid and wished with all your heart to be an only child, or perhaps you wanted your sister to go away somewhere else. Somewhere like Disney World. The french one.

Christmas Time 

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Oh, that was wild. We have a Dudley Dursley over here. Remember the cousin from Harry Potter, who always counted his presents? Speaking about being a spoiled child.

Bad Table! 

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You can't blame her. How many times this happened to you, and you cursed the table, the bed, the chair? It is not her fault if the table gets in her way. Move, how hard could that be?

Family Is Important 

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Forever and ever seems like a long time. I mean, think about it. Even when you are a kid, and time is eternal. Think about having to put up with your siblings for eternity. Please, no.

Another Kind Of Tantrum 

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Kinds havbing tantrums are annoying. Specially when you are an adult who just spent the last nine hours of their day working. You are tired, hungry, and want nothing with the world. Poor guy

Love Is All Around Us 

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This is true love. I mean, imagine those two after a few nights of sleep. It is normal to hate every human being on earth when you haven't slept properly in a few days, Or maybe years

School Time 

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We have all been there. From the moment you arrive to school, until the second you leave, you are wishing to be somewhere else. Sleeping, eating. Even if there are vegetables involved

Cake 

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I do not understand the need of being your birthday in order to have a birthday cake. Life would be so much easier if we had the chance to have birthday cake everytime we want to

Teeth 

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Ok kid, I do not recommend this. Kids, brush your teeth. It is not nice, nor pleasant to have removed your teeth, we do not mess around with that kind of stuff.

Games 

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Well, what is the point if you are not allowed to have some fun and maybe make your sibling cry at the end of the day? It is the whole point of being a family. Life is hard, man.

Socks 

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I understand her complaint. Sometimes the sock is annoying, too stuffed, too hot to wear them. It makes me angry too. I do not even like to wear stocks. I get it.

Learning 

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Sure, she learned it at school and did not totally tried to eat an eraser at all. Maybe it was some sort of bet? I mean, surely she won a lot of money. Like a dollar. Hey, they are kids!

Big Girl 

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She does not want to be a baby girl, I get that. But why calling her other sisters huge? Now I am thinking about gigantic toddlers, laughing and crying. Oh my god, it is terrible

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